Lara Croft is who I should be,
Very wealthy and sexy and free.
I would live in a castle,
And have no greater hassle
Than to rescue the world before tea.
For adventures I’d fight and get grungy
With a gun and a knife and a bungee.
I would solve ancient mysteries
And rewrite their histories
While evading guys big, bad, and mangy.
For a lover I’d take Daniel Craig
Who in Raider Croft treats like the plague.
I would make him get naked
And do nothing sacred…
But here I had better get vague.
Still, Lara and I aren’t the same.
She’s a lady, while I’m just a dame
With a regular job
A mere face in the mob
Without glamour or romance or fame.
But this doesn’t mean that I’m bitter,
As a matter of fact I’m no quitter.
I’ve got a grand plan
To be all that I can
I just won’t have Craig cash or glitter.