Welcome to the Dark Side

on September 10, 2012 in Misc

There’s a traffic light camera I want to take out.  Take out as in smash it to smithereens.

It’s one of those automated cameras set up at busy crossroads that flashes a bright, distracting beam if you run a just-turning-red light.  Or as in my case, when you stop for the red light but not quite perfectly because your front tires are just over the white line.  Which is still considered a traffic violation so you get a $75 fine.

This is what happened to me a few months ago.  Ever since then, when I stop at that intersection I coldly study the two dark, evil-looking camera poles placed on two of the corners.  I assess how easy it would be to reach up to the bottom-most lights on them and with a hammer slam their glasses into tiny fragments.  Or spray-paint them into uselessness.  Or maybe stand across the street and shoot them out with an arrow (when my aim gets better and I can afford a good bow).  Of course I would only be able to do this in the middle of the night.  And I’d have to use gloves so that I don’t leave any fingerprints.

This may sound twisted, but nailing down the details of this fantasy makes me happy.

Remember when I talked in this blog about the noisy-as-hell neighbors across the street, the ones who had LOUD parties at all hours?  In that case too I fantasized about revenge-like vandalism.  Then those neighbors moved away.  Everyone in the neighborhood sang songs of joy.  Yet much as I too was relieved, I was also a little sad. I mean, I had wanted to DO something to those sleep wrecking party people.  Something admittedly childish but also aggressive and like nothing I’ve ever done.  Hell, I WANTED TO BREAK THE LAW!

That’s one of the problems with growing up as a Good Girl.  I did plenty of adventurous stuff, but I was always law-abiding. So what do I do as an adult?  I create characters like Layla Daltry or Charity MacCay, women who can’t be bothered with laws that stand in the way of what they want.

You know what?  I really, truly want to know what that’s like.  I even suspect that these small revenge fantasies I have are, in a way, baby steps I should take in order to move on to something much bigger and bolder.  Of course, if I go ahead and act on any of law-breaking fantasies I won’t be able to write about them here, which is kind of ironic.  But maybe that would be good for me.  No writing, just living.

I suspect a lot of you writers have your own secrets you’d like to live out.  Am I right?

10 Responses to “Welcome to the Dark Side”

  1. Traffic light sounds evil.
    I want lasers on the front of my car so I can blast the slow people out of my way. Is that wrong?

  2. Helena says:

    Alex – Lasers on your car sound super cool.

  3. Boy, it seems like the system is just looking for ways to increase revenue with those traffic lights. The draconian aspect of perfection at the intersection where these are mounted, and then fining anyone that does not meet their standards, is probably bringing in a lot of revenue. It makes me think that this is a subtle nudge to get people to use public transportation more. I think if I paid even one of these fines, I’d just park the car and take the bus or train from then on.

  4. Helena says:

    Michael – I already take the bus to work, and that works well. But yes, the controversy around these cameras is that they’re just revenue-generating gadgets, and in that respect the city DOESN’T want people to take mass transit. They want the money.

  5. Hart says:

    Oh, you crack me up! Love the idea of plotting against the things (and people) who offend you and getting some joy from those plots, even if you may bever carry them out. (though with the street censors, maybe you should. I hate that they take the ‘luck’ out of the formula. I mean I GET obeying traffic laws, even rebel that I am–it is for everyone’s safety, but those cameras seem like cheating)

  6. Helena says:

    Hart – The thing about that traffic fine was, I STOPPED AT THE LIGHT! But my tires being over the line meant $75. Yes, I really wanna take out those cameras in a nasty way.

  7. Ciara Knight says:

    Me, secrets? Never. I’m a good girl and always have been. ;)

  8. Helena says:

    Ciara – I know you have a dark side….

  9. Old Kitty says:

    There used to be these bunch of no-good kids who used to race their motorcycles on the footpath backing onto our house – they’d do this everyday – in all sorts of hours and I would always fantasise how it would feel like to assassinate them from my window with a high velocity rifle….!! LOL!!

    Luckily we neighbours campaigned to gate the pathway to all traffic – and so a nice steel gate went up and we had peace and quiet after!

    Take care

  10. Helena says:

    Old Kitty — A steel gate is so much better! Good for you and your shared campaign. Me, I might ‘ve fired a paintball gun at those kids…